So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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