I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
