i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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