I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
