Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
