Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
