I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
