He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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