Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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