I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
