she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
