Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
