You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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