I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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