I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
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