Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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