next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
