I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
