I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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