He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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