How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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