"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
