I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
