Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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