just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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