we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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