addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
