She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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