found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
