who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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