Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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