I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
