my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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