Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
