And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
