So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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