can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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