Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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