I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
