i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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