I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
