We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
