at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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