I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
