My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I got her a Nickelback box set.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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