The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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