what day is it and did you see me today?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
