and my herpes radar will keep us safe
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
