Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
