I wish life had little blips of pornography
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
