I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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