Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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