Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
