ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
