just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
