I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Randomize
